The Absolute Yes List

To help you set your personal boundaries and determine your true priorities, create what Lifestyle Makeover expert Cheryl Richardson calls the "Absolute Yes List."

This list is about setting new priorities for yourself, using your time the way you really want. Put your self-care above anything else—say no unless it's an absolute yes. Choose to spend your time and energy on things that bring you joy and make decisions based on what you want instead of what others want. If you don't set boundaries and take care of yourself, your health and well-being are at stake. And, if you are neglecting yourself, you aren't helping your family and others around you.

Ask yourself:

• What needs your attention at this time in your life? Think in terms of the next 3 months, not the next year.
• What needs your attention: your marriage, financial, health, your physical and emotional heath? Maybe you need to find a babysitter to care for your child so you can have time for yourself each week.
• What are the most pressing areas right now? More examples: spiritual well-being, time with friends, school, work, volunteering, finances, household chores, home repair.

Once you've made your list above, pick the top five priorities.

Does your list need to be reordered? Cheryl recommends placing yourself at Number 1 Placing yourself at the top may be hard, but ask yourself, "How am I going to take care of others if I am burnt out?" Remember, this is about you. This Is Your Absolute Yes List.

Daily Reminder: Once your list is complete, print this out this worksheet and place it where you will see it throughout the day—the bathroom mirror, the dashboard of your car, your computer monitor, etc.

Quiz: What's Draining You?

Are you so overwhelmed by everyday life that you don't have the energy to deal with setting new goals for yourself? Do you feel drained? Do you know where you are spending your energy unproductively?

Read the following statements and decide whether your answer is true or false. For every section start with score 0 and for every true answer add 2 points, false answers do not yeild any points. At the end of the quiz, read more about what your score means.

Section 1: Relationships

___ There are people in my life who continuously drain my energy.
___ I have unreturned phone calls, e-mails or letters that need to be handled.
___ I have an unresolved conflict with a family member.
___ I lack quality friendships in my life.
___ I feel a void in my life created by the lack of a romantic partner.
___ There is someone I need to forgive.
___ There is a relationship I need to end.
___ There is a phone call I dread making, and it causes me stress and anxiety.
___ I'm currently involved in a relationship that compromises my values.
___ I miss being part of a loving and supportive community.

Section 2: Environment

___ My car is in need of cleaning and/or repair.
___ My wardrobe needs updating and/or alterations.
___ I'd like to live in a different geographic location.
___ I have appliances that need repair or upgrading.
___ My home is not decorated in a way that nurtures me.
___ My closets and/or basement are cluttered and need to be cleaned.
___ Repairs need to be done around my home or apartment.
___ My home is cluttered and disorganized.
___ I miss having more beauty reflected in my environment.
___ I watch too much television.

Section 3: Body, Mind, Spirit

___ I eat food that's not good for me.
___ Something about my physical appearance bothers me.
___ It's been too long since I've been to the dentist.
___ I do not get the sleep I need to feel fully rested.
___ I'd like to exercise regularly but never seem to find the time.
___ I have a health concern for which I've avoided getting help.
___ I have emotional needs that consistently go unmet.
___ There are books that I'd love to read but never seem to find the time for.
___ I lack personal interests that are intellectually stimulating.
___ I lack a spiritual or religious practice in my life.

Section 4: Work

___ I no longer enjoy my job and have a hard time showing up each day.
___ My work is stressful and leaves me exhausted at the end of the day.
___ My office is disorganized, my desk is a mess, and I have trouble finding what I need.
___ I'm avoiding a confrontation or conflict at work.
___ I tolerate bad behavior from a boss or coworker.
___ I am not computer literate, and it gets in the way of my productivity.
___ I lack the proper office equipment that I need to do my job well.
___ My work does not allow me to express my creativity.
___ I know I need to delegate specific tasks but I am unable to let go of control.
___ I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information that enters my life in the form of mail, books, magazines and e-mail.

Section 5: Money

___ I have tax returns that are not filed or taxes are not paid.
___ I pay my bills late.
___ I spend more than I earn.
___ I don't have a plan for my financial future.
___ My credit rating is not what I'd like it to be.
___ I do not have a regular savings plan.
___ I do not have adequate insurance coverage.
___ My mortgage rate is too high, and I need to refinance.
___ I have debt that needs to be paid off.
___ My will is not up to date.

What your quiz score means...

Your score on each section represents the amount of energy you spend thinking about things you've been putting off and putting up with every day. If you're like most people, you probably scored 14 points in each section.

Now you know what areas of your life drain more energy than the others. Write this score in your journal so that you can keep track of your progress as you eliminate your energy drains and focus more on your Absolute Yes! List.

As you take care of the things that distract you and drain your energy, you'll immediately feel an energy boost!

Hello Avoidance Boy!

LOL

I found this character somewhere on the world wide web. Don't remember exactly where, but I know him pretty well! Seems I'm having a heck of a time generating the courage, the time, the energy, the grit, the determination required to actually take a long look at my energy drains. Today's exercise isn't all that hard, it's not about mucking out a toilet, or mowing waist high grass, it's not about paying bills, or dealing with a difficult person... oops! maybe it is about a difficult person - ME!

And I'm realizing that my out of control to do list has more to do with helping me to avoid introspection, and less to do with actually getting stuff done around here. A wise woman I know once wrote,

"The best defense against contemplation is a long list of chores and the fierce drive to beat them down just before collapsing into bed."

~Grace Gibson.

So, that's my story today. I guess I'm going to have to give Inner Dad a call, and ask for some help with Avoidance Boy - looks like he's going to get grounded for sure, maybe even lose his internet privaledges for the rest of the day!

Identify and Eliminate Your Energy Drains

From Oprah.com we have this wonderfully detailed article about how to identify and eliminate your energy drains. It's quite long, so I'm going to divide it up into sections and post each section separately. Here's the first one:

Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that creating your best life has more to do with what you remove from it than what you add to it.

Everything undone, incomplete or unresolved drains your energy. Not being honest with yourself and avoiding conflict drains your energy. Every action you take uses energy, and every action you don't take uses energy.

Identify and Eliminate Your Energy Drains.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and drained, you might have difficulty knowing what areas of your life to work on changing. Most of us are unconscious about how our mental energy is used throughout our daily lives. Becoming conscious of where your energy flows can be very revealing.

Core Questions: Learn what are you avoiding.
Lifestyle expert Cheryl Richardson says there are potentially three big energy drains in your life:

1. Not believing you have a choice
2. Not being able to say "no"
3. Not finding support

Answer the following questions: Are you avoiding or neglecting an area of your life? Why?For example: Cleaning out the basement? Going through your wardrobe? Writing a family member? Look at what you're avoiding in your life and ask yourself why.

Cheryl says there are "cords of energy" connecting you to past, present and future—everything undone or incomplete in your life drains you. What are you worrying about? Trying not to think about? From what areas of your life are the cords pulling? Write these down explore the reasons why.

Identify what areas the cords flow easily to. Which areas of your life please you? Write these down. Finally, ask yourself, "If I eliminated these drains, how would my life change?" Now review your answers. You've taken the first step to recognizing what is draining you in your life.